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Give Me Failure, or Give Me Death

Coming in under the wire, this is my contribution to Holly’s Mentor Roundtables post

One can only hope that you saved whatever the hell you were working on first and backed up your files. You DO have a backup, right? You don't, do you. That's a fail if I ever heard one.

Have you failed in life? No? Then you have nothing to teach me. It’s just that simple. In my life and my career, the biggest gains in my life have come from the result of a huge, drastic failure. Failure to finish college. Failure to manage my vices. Failure at my first stab at a career. All of these things were monumental failures. And you know what? I learned more from those than anything else. And that’s what I have to offer. My failure. My experience.

So what do you have to offer? What have you failed at? Because if you haven’t failed, you haven’t been tested. It’s easy to give mentoring advice when you don’t know what happens when the shit hits the fan. How’d you deal with it? What was the fallout? How did you grow?

Because that’s what I would want. Pain is learning.

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You Aren’t Qualified

You'd think it was common sense, but there is a sign there. Clearly, there was an issue. Enough so that they went through the trouble of making the damn sign.

So stop writing like you are.

We’ve all seen the posts. A list for this, a top-ten for that, a how-to about everything and anything. You’ll usually get some comments saying how great the advice is, or how it’s timely to that person’s situation at that given moment, or maybe it reminds them of something that happened in their life a while back.

And it’s all bullshit. So stop it.

With what I've saved on furniture and office rent, I can pass the savings on to you! Have a seat, I'm completely qualified to tell you something you already know the answer to. I’m not here to say that you shouldn’t write about personal experience. Most bloggers do. Hell, it’s the most honest thing you can write about (assuming you’re telling the truth, but that’s another post for another day). But please, after you have shared, stop typing and hit publish. Leave out that last paragraph where you’re telling me how that translates into something I am supposed to do with my life. Because you know what? It doesn’t.

Here’s the thing: my life is not your life. There’s a distinct possibility that, while there may be similarities, we have way more differences about us. And that is a GOOD thing. It’s what makes the world worth living. After all, if we were all alike, we’d probably have killed off the human race out of sheer boredom.

But here is where it gets interesting. There are now bloggers out there making a name for themselves handing out advice that they have no fucking business giving. At all. Been freelancing for a month? Don’t tell me how to run a successful business. Been married for a year? The advice better stop at 365 days worth of experience. Think having a dog gives you the wisdom to tell me about my son? Go die in a fire instead.

People have the need to feel important. I get that. But stick to what you know. There’s a reason I don’t answer questions about things I don’t know. I know a little about a lot, a lot about a few things, and everything about nothing whatsoever. And that doesn’t make me less of a person. It makes me a bit more normal.

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You Say Community, I Say Cult

Would you like a glass? I made sure not to put too much sugar into it. It's delicious, you should try it.

Put down the Kool-Aid. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Community is big right now, isn’t it. It seems everywhere you turn, there is a new ‘community’ popping up. I bet you’re in a few. Hell, you probably read this blog because you know me from one. I belong to a few. I’ve been a member of a few in the past that I no longer affiliate with, and I’m sure there are a few down the road that I’ll join.

There is nothing wrong with that. But here’s the thing about community. If you aren’t careful, you stop remembering why you are there, and just begin to listen to whatever the leader says. No more thinking, no more analysis. Just following. Blind.

Hello. My name is Jim. Wanna chat?There was a reason you joined in the first place. Maybe you liked the topic. Or perhaps the people involved. You read and enjoyed the content, shared it with your friends and followers on places like Twitter and Facebook. You added the RSS, were eager to press that retweet button when a new post came out. It was exciting. You were a part of something good.

Then something happened. There were a lot of new people that don’t share the views you thought the community held. What used to be a fresh perspective was becoming stale. Repetitive. Recycled. But the leader still had that ‘something’ you liked in the beginning. So you continue to read, comment, and share. You’re still participating. You’re invested. And just like a junkie wishing to get the feeling back from that first time, you keep on jamming that needle in, hoping that perhaps, this time it’ll be better.

It won’t.  

For all the talk about how Gen-Y is independent, self-willed, etc we sure as hell follow a lot. We do something because other people are doing it. You want to get on-board in the beginning. Be a thought leader amongst your online crew. Pride and ego are a sonofabitch, isn’t it?

It’s time to stop. Stop following. Quit ignoring the signs. Question your leaders. ALL of them. If it’s a shitty post, say so. If the leader is wrong, make sure you share that just as loud as you did with the good stuff. If they’re a fraud, SCREAM IT. Better to be a loud asshole who’s right than a quiet one.

Remember, some people may be following you the same way you are to others. If you don’t say something, you’re just as bad.

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