Restless Like Me – The Grass Is Never Greener

Yes, I’m a Dad. I’m also a weird dude.

Keep washing. Always washing. Must be clean. Be pure. Because we all know that germs are from the devil. As I was avoiding some of my work the other day, I came across this post over at Scary Mommy. The gist of it was a mother (a guest post) explaining why she wasn’t OK with her child’s 4th grade teacher being “openly” gay. (As opposed to being “closed” which means…????). I left a long-winded comment, but it got my mind thinking.

How am I raising my child?

As some of you might already be aware, my wife and I are in the process of an amicable divorce. No fighting, nothing bitter or whatnot. (We actually get along great. Just wasn’t meant to be married anymore I guess.) But as littleman grows up, we will be faced with a lot of choices and issues surrounding him. As it stands now, Mamma and I are pretty much on the same page. But he’s only 3, so there haven’t been many things to really deal with. But they’ll come soon enough.

The author of that post said something that just struck a chord with me: “As I raise my children, I want to surround them with people who are like-minded with us.” Am I in the minority of people who DON’T want that for their children? After all, it’s his life to live, not mine. I believe that it’s my responsibility as a parent to instill values, a sense of right and wrong. But I’m also aware that what I think is right and wrong may not be correct, or appropriate for everyone else. (If that weren’t the case, we’d all be pretty messed up.). But in the end, I want my son to have his own experience, his own live, his own story. Not one I made up for him.

I know the day will come when I need to have the talk with him about drugs and alcohol. This is one of those things that Mamma and I will probably disagree on, to some point. After all, I’m the drunkard, not her. So we clearly have different views. And while I won’t allow him to drink underage in the home (or “allow” him to do it outside), I’m also not stupid and know it’ll happen, so I plan on making sure he knows that if he’s drunk, he either needs to sleep it off there or call me and I’ll come get him, no questions asked. Buy beyond that, I don’t see much in the way of issues that I have a firm stance on that I feel he “must” follow. I’m not religious. I’m liberal, but not a zealot. I’m a nerd, and I’m pretty sure that’ll rub off on him. But after that? Sky’s the limit.

What say you?

Politics? No Thanks

So 9/11 came and went. Again. I saw a lot of folks tweeting various things about the event, memories, and the popular #wherewereyou hashtag. I abstained from it. Why? Because while I’m pretty open online, I rarely discuss politics. Online OR in real life. Much like religion (something else I don’t discuss much) it’s a very personal thing for me and not one I feel warrants a discussion. Also, my 9/11 story is uneventful to say the least.

If you’re wondering, here is why I don’t think much about where I was:

I was driving to work that morning, hung over from the night before. I threw up twice on a copy of the Wall Street Journal in my car at two red lights (sadly, this was not the first time that happened, nor would it be the last. I kept the WSJ in my car for that very reason). I was an hour late to work, and this particular hangover was so bad that I lasted 45 minutes at my desk before I called it quits and went home. I was so out of it, I didn’t even notice people listening to the radio and talking about what was going on. If my memory serves me correctly, the first plane had just hit when I showed up to work. The 2nd hit as I was leaving. When I got in my car, I put on some music and drove home. My brother called me and asked if I had seen what had happened. I replied “Umm…some dumbass crashed a plane in New York, right?”. Then he told me what happened. I felt….nothing. Nada. Maybe I was still drunk, I don’t know. But I went home and proceeded to get stoned out of my skull and watch the CNN loop of people running around and shit on fire. Well, that and cartoons. I switched back and forth.

So there ya have it. My amazing 9/11 story. Pretty inspiring, isn’t it? I didn’t write this to take anything away from what happened that day. It was a fucking horrible event and I feel for those who lost loved ones. But this isn’t about 9/11.

So why do I rarely write / tweet about politics? A few reasons.

I think the entire system is fucked
I believe most people are set in their beliefs and aren’t looking to be persuaded otherwise, rather, just want to argue
Most people look for information that validates what they already believe, not the other way around
It does nothing beneficial for me

For the most part, I’ve stopped following politics completely. It makes me visibly angry at times, and generally frustrated all the of the time. As sad as it may sound, I simply don’t care anymore. Yes, I still pay attention to issues. I still vote. And I still care about the country. But I don’t care about politics, and I have no interest in furthering the divide. Talk to me about WordPress (except the GPL issue, which has become political). Wanna chat about music? Fuck yeah, bring it on. How about weird shit? I’m game. But I don’t give a shit about what John Boehner said about anything. Nor do I care what Harry Reid thinks. I just don’t. Just today, some random person tweeted me saying I was a ‘moron liberal’ for no reason whatsoever. I responded by telling them to die in a fire. Just seemed appropriate.

So Yeah, About That Drink

There was a time in my life that I planned on driving to Tennessee and purchasing an entire barrel of Jack Daniels Whiskey. Did you know they sell them by the barrel? They do. And I almost owned one. Maybe it’s the summer heat, I don’t know. But lately I’ve seen a lot of posts regarding drinking, drug use, addiction issues, and the like. The folks at The Next Great Generation did a whole ‘drug week’ series. Jolie O’Dell recently wrote a post about her experiences with being newly sober (again). And there have been others in the past who have been pretty open about their experiences with drugs and alcohol.

I have not one of those people. Well, I guess not until now.

While I’ve made minor mentions of it here and there, and most people who know me personally know, I am not cavalier about my own personal situation. So let’s just get it out in the open. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Have been for quite some time. In fact, I will be celebrating 7 years sober on Sunday. (August 1st). For those scoring at home, I got sober before I turned 23. Which means my drinking and drug abuse got so bad that at the ripe old age of 22, something needed to change. And change it did.

Here is the quick synopsis:

Age 10: Began smoking cigarettes

Age 13: Began smoking week

Age 15: LSD, Xanax, various other pills

Age 16: Booze

Age 19: Cocaine

Those were the main ones, mind you. As far as drug use goes, there isn’t a single drug that was available at the time that I didn’t do at least twice. Yes, that includes heroin and crack. (Meth hadn’t reached Florida yet, but I’m sure I would have done it if given the opportunity).

That pretty much says it all, doesn't it. While I could put something cute in here, I don't feel I need to. So why am I writing this? Why now? Why at all? Gonna be honest here, I’m not too sure. It isn’t as though I need to ‘announce’ it at all. Nor am I trying to warn anyone. I assume all of you reading this are adults and can make decisions for yourself. And my own personal experience doesn’t really mean jack shit to your life. Maybe I just wanna give you all some background into why I am the way I am. Why am I considered ‘no bullshit’? Because I can be. How is it that nothing seems to bother me? Because I’ve already been through hell. Literally. There is a lot to this story that I have left out, because frankly its none of your fucking business.