To many people, the whole idea of ‘lifestyle design’ seems absurd. And not for the reason many people in that community think. It’s not because of the ideas behind it, rather, it’s many of the people promoting it. Now, not all of them are bad. I’ve personally worked with, met and spent time with a few folks, and they all seemed (at least to me) to be genuine people who truly believed in what they were doing. But it’s a trend (and let’s face it, LD is a trend. Whether or not it’ll sustain is another story). And a few folks like Adam Baker I really respect for detailing what he did, bringing his wife and young child along. To me, that’s a hell of a lot more valid than a 22 year old guy living on the beach. I’ve done that. It was called “homeless”.

I get the appeal (to some). You’ve got a shitty job you hate, bored as hell with life and have no clue what you’re doing next. Then you read a few blog posts and maybe an ebook (shit, does EVERYONE have an ebook now?) and wonder why YOU aren’t living that life. You get sad. Then you rush out and start blogging, connecting all over the social media sphere, and even selling your shit to hit the road. And maybe that works for you. Or, maybe you end up spending money to match the lifestyle they have only to be in the same spot you were.

Here’s where I see the problem:

• Your gurus are assholes: Let’s face it, Tim Ferris walks and talks like a complete tool. He brags about cheating to win a kickboxing title. He doesn’t refer to anything he enjoys doing “work” (hence the 4 Hour Work Week title). And let’s not forget the fact that his previous company was suspected of fraud. While he isn’t the only one, he’s certainly the most well known offender.
• Your (over)use of buzzwords: I’m sorry, but if no one is getting shot at, it isn’t a revolution. Not everything is epic, thrilling, or awesome.
• A “one size fits all” mentality: This is a big one. Nick Reese and I had a good conversation the other day about this. The conclusion he and I came up with (and he wrote up here) is that the ‘sell your shit, travel the world’ dream isn’t for everyone. But looking at a lot of folks in the LD community, you’d think that was all there was to it. News flash: a lot of folks are HAPPY with their desk jobs living in suburbia. And there is nothing wrong with that.
• The appearance of arrogance: Looking down on people who don’t share your dream is…well…being a dick. Just because I enjoy living in the same place every month  and owning more than 3 shirts doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with me, that I’m less ambitious, or that I don’t have “guts”. It means that I am content with where my life is, and that my priorities are different than yours.

One of the reasons I’ve even connected with any of these folks is because I work with WordPress. They use WordPress. It’s a natural fit. So yes, I make money from the house I leave perhaps once a day (twice if need be) fixing the venue they use to promote living / doing anywhere (yes, it’s ironic. And yes, I think it’s fucking hilarious). So not one to simply be an asshole, here’s a few things (in my opinion) that could be done to help the perception:

• Stop the endless (and at times shameless) self promotion: We all need to make a buck, whether it’s globetrotting or in your office. But quit telling me my life is shit because I am not doing what you’re doing. That’s what sleazy salespeople and infomercials do.
• Own your failures: If you read over some (again, not all) of the major sites, you’d think these folks never failed, that every product they launched was a success, and they swim in a minimalist pool of money. Face it, they don’t. TELL ME how you’ve failed, what when wrong, and what you’ve learned. Show some fucking growth.
• Use regular English: drop the buzzwords and speak to me like a regular human being. If every 3rd sentence is telling me how EPIC THIS IS then you’re missing the point.
• Connect outside your bubble: Many of them simply don’t talk to people who aren’t in the same LD world. Why? What is there to be gained by living in an echo chamber? I work with the tech world, but connect with more people outside of it than within. Maybe it’s my personality, but I want friends / connections that do something I don’t do, not something I am doing.

So what say you? Am I just a cranky old fuck, Am I jealous?

The other night, I had a plan. A good plan. A productive plan. After my AA meeting, I was going to go downtown, fire up the laptop, finish a blog post I’ve been working on, tweak a few things on my laptop, set up some FTP access for a friend, and maybe catch some football on TV. But I did none of that. Instead, I had a cigar and enjoyed the football game with the other patrons. And in doing so, I came to a realization that had been gnawing at me for a while.

You need to turn ‘off’ the multi-tasking and networking from time to time.

Smoking cigars is something I do to relax and unwind. It’s somewhat of a carryover from the 15 years I smoked cigarettes (yes, I started smoking at age 10, and even worse I began again a few months ago.), some of it is tied to my father’s own cigar smoking, but mostly it’s a reason to sit down and decompress. Given that it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to smoke a cigar, it’s almost as though I am mandating relaxation to myself.

So why do I want to include other work in it? I don’t, and I shouldn’t. While it’s OK to do something else from time to time, there’s a reason I need to relax in the first place. If I begin to incorporate other tasks into it, the meaning and purpose is gone.

There is always the push to always be ‘productive’. Whether it’s the non-stop data feeds of RSS and email, the numerous GTD posts, blogs, gurus, or just the fact that there are more things to do than time to do them, we often lose sight of relaxation. Relaxation IS productive, probably more so than half the things I do to ‘stay on top of things’. When I am in a situation that is calming and relaxing, I have a better chance of seeing through the problems and issues I may be facing at that time. I can allow all the half-thoughts to either complete themselves or filter there way out.

And most importantly, I can watch football.

Work / Life balance. It’s a popular topic these days, with some people saying it’s impossible, while others saying it’s a matter of priorities. While they have a point, in my experience they’re missing the big picture. Everyone has balance. Because everything has weight. So while it may seem like your life is in complete disarray, it is balanced in the way you decided it should be. Don’t like it? Then change it.

Does you life feel like this? At times, mine does. Between working a full time job, going to school part-time at night, doing freelance computer work, having a 20 month old son, and being married, there are times where I feel that there is way more on my shoulders than the ground underneath can hold. Yet the ground is still holding strong. So why the worry? For me, it means that I’ve given the wrong amount of weight to the wrong things in my life. When that happens, I have to reallocate. Things that were important one day aren’t the next. They can change weekly, daily, or even hourly.

For example: a few weeks ago I got a call from daycare that my son was sick. I had a meeting in an hour, and a lot of work to get done that afternoon. What did I do? I went and got my son. Now, it’s easier to do that when it comes to you kids. But I’ve done the same thing with work issues, family, and friends. To have a balance you’re comfortable with, you have to be OK with changing the weight of everything around you. I’ve got a simple order of things:

1. My son
2. My wife
3. Immediate family / Close friends
4. Work / Career
5. Me
6. School
7. Freelancing
8. Networking

Keep in mind one important thing: my priorities are NOT created equal. It isn’t about giving everything to everyone. Doing that just makes it worse. While I certainly know my career is important, I still leave the office at 5pm sharp to get my son from daycare. He’s simply more important. And if my brother calls me needing immediate help, then I won’t be making it to class that night. And note that I included myself on that list, albeit not at the top. I am not the most important thing in my life, as much as I’d like to be sometimes.

It’s just that simple. But only if you’re willing to make sacrifices. With the items of lower importance, people could perceive me any number of ways. But it is more important that I can live with my life than they can.