Maybe it’s the summer heat, I don’t know. But lately I’ve seen a lot of posts regarding drinking, drug use, addiction issues, and the like. The folks at The Next Great Generation did a whole ‘drug week’ series. Jolie O’Dell recently wrote a post about her experiences with being newly sober (again). And there have been others in the past who have been pretty open about their experiences with drugs and alcohol.

I have not one of those people. Well, I guess not until now.

While I’ve made minor mentions of it here and there, and most people who know me personally know, I am not cavalier about my own personal situation. So let’s just get it out in the open. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Have been for quite some time. In fact, I will be  celebrating 7 years sober on Sunday. (August 1st). For those scoring at home, I got sober before I turned 23. Which means my drinking and drug abuse got so bad that at the ripe old age of 22, something needed to change. And change it did.

Here is the quick synopsis:

• Age 10: Began smoking cigarettes
• Age 13: Began smoking week
• Age 15: LSD, Xanax, various other pills
• Age 16: Booze
• Age 19: Cocaine

Those were the main ones, mind you. As far as drug use goes, there isn’t a single drug that was available at the time that I didn’t do at least twice. Yes, that includes heroin and crack. (Meth hadn’t reached Florida yet, but I’m sure I would have done it if given the opportunity).

So why am I writing this? Why now? Why at all? Gonna be honest here, I’m not too sure. It isn’t as though I need to ‘announce’ it at all. Nor am I trying to warn anyone. I assume all of you reading this are adults and can make decisions for yourself. And my own personal experience doesn’t really mean jack shit to your life. Maybe I just wanna give you all some background into why I am the way I am. Why am I considered ‘no bullshit’? Because I can be. How is it that nothing seems to bother me? Because I’ve already been through hell. Literally. There is a lot to this story that I have left out, because frankly its none of your fucking business.

Ehh. Here’s to 7 years.

Put down the Kool-Aid. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Community is big right now, isn’t it. It seems everywhere you turn, there is a new ‘community’ popping up. I bet you’re in a few. Hell, you probably read this blog because you know me from one. I belong to a few. I’ve been a member of a few in the past that I no longer affiliate with, and I’m sure there are a few down the road that I’ll join.

There is nothing wrong with that. But here’s the thing about community. If you aren’t careful, you stop remembering why you are there, and just begin to listen to whatever the leader says. No more thinking, no more analysis. Just following. Blind.

There was a reason you joined in the first place. Maybe you liked the topic. Or perhaps the people involved. You read and enjoyed the content, shared it with your friends and followers on places like Twitter and Facebook. You added the RSS, were eager to press that retweet button when a new post came out. It was exciting. You were a part of something good.

Then something happened. There were a lot of new people that don’t share the views you thought the community held. What used to be a fresh perspective was becoming stale. Repetitive. Recycled. But the leader still had that ‘something’ you liked in the beginning. So you continue to read, comment, and share. You’re still participating. You’re invested. And just like a junkie wishing to get the feeling back from that first time, you keep on jamming that needle in, hoping that perhaps, this time it’ll be better.

It won’t.  

For all the talk about how Gen-Y is independent, self-willed, etc we sure as hell follow a lot. We do something because other people are doing it. You want to get on-board in the beginning. Be a thought leader amongst your online crew. Pride and ego are a sonofabitch, isn’t it?

It’s time to stop. Stop following. Quit ignoring the signs. Question your leaders. ALL of them. If it’s a shitty post, say so. If the leader is wrong, make sure you share that just as loud as you did with the good stuff. If they’re a fraud, SCREAM IT. Better to be a loud asshole who’s right than a quiet one.

Remember, some people may be following you the same way you are to others. If you don’t say something, you’re just as bad.

I was reading some blog archives, and came across a post about friendship and how it relates to a career. I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my friends have helped me immensely, but not in the ways most people would imagine. I came the following conclusions, and have found them to be crucial for me, both in my career and in my life.

My friends couldn’t care less about what I do for a living

At first glance, that would appear to be a negative thing. But is it? My friends don’t look at me as another reference or networking tool. While we certainly all do that for each other (I’ve gotten a few people jobs at the firm I work for), it’s the the purpose. A good friend of mine and I get together at least once a week in my “cigar club” (my garage) and talk about everything from the latest Hot Water Music release to the proper way to set up a 4 port router to the latest in our social lives (I should say HIS social life. That cigar room IS my social life these days). I have numerous friends who are the same way. While we all could benefit from our individual connections, we’d rather just hang out and enjoy each other’s company.

They know where I came from, and where I could go

While I won’t go into the details, many of my friends know what I was like in my darkest times. We’ve all picked each other up off the floor (literally and figuratively), helped clean up the blood & broken glass, and in some cases even bailed each other out of jail. I know there’s still a video of me with a green mohawk throwing cans of beer at people in the streets of Savannah, GA one St. Patrick’s Day. No corner office will ever change that.

We were friends before anything else mattered

Now this isn’t the case for everyone. Since I’ve basically lived in the same county since I was 6, I am fortunate enough to have many friends that I’ve had for 10+ years, some even more. One good friend of mine recently graduated from pharmacy school, and is looking at a 6 figure income from the gate. We’ve been friends since 1st grade. We watch baseball, get lunch together when possible, and we’re planning on going to see a Yankee’s game this summer in NYC (finances permitting). Is that a pharmacist and an investment professional networking? No. It’s two lifelong friends enjoying baseball.

My friends certainly keep me grounded in my life. They help me have fun, shed the office mentality for a little while, and look back to time where none of that stuff really mattered. Adulthood is here to say, but with good friends, it’s bearable. In the words of Ferris Bueller, “If you have the means, I highly recommend it”.

The only ties I have ever owned were given to me by my dad. They look good, don’t get me wrong. The man is reasonably classy and has good tastes. I mean, at least we have similar tastes. He went to prep school and gets his fashion sense from that. I did not go to prep school, but looked up to him because he was the only non freak show in my life. As such, I follow in his fashion footsteps. In fairness though, my full Windsor is still pretty mediocre. What can I say? Like most Americans my age, I too will probably not be doing better than my parents.

But it’s not for lack of trying….

Or is it?

I incessantly worry over what the future economic prospects will hold for my generation, and most importantly, I can’t quite figure out where I fit in it all.  Some days I feel like I have a lot of people beaten. Others, I feel like I’m going nowhere. I’m just not sure if I’m giving it my all. But, then again, sometimes I think I am and the opportunities just aren’t there. I’m sure this is a constant worry for many, but I’m particularly concerned because I often worry about what I perceive to be compounding results.

My primary concern with compoundingresults is that if you don’t get super ahead now, are you only that much more behind over time? I keep thinking of it like it’s the natural log or something. There’s a continuous growth rate necessary for success and if you don’t get a jump on it, those who got a better break than you a little earlier on will fucking trounce you. And on top of that, any mistakes and set backs will be that much more  detrimental as well.

Basically, does anyone know where I can make a bunch of money so that I can pay my student loans off quickly?

No comments about the horrors of student loans. I am in no mood to be more bummed.

Thanks.

Matt.

We all talk about how independent journalism is very important to ward off the MSM bullshit. Well, that goes for music writing just as much (if not more) than everything else. Now, maybe YOU really love to listen to what Top-40 radio says is good, but I’d rather have other sources.

Sources like REAX Magazine. And they need some help. So why not pitch in a few bucks?

When I was young, my father told me a few things. One of them was to be careful about offering unsolicited advice, since often times I won’t know the whole story. And that’s been true to this day.

Recently, there was a dust-up over a post regarding leaving a job and “burning bridges”. One post spawned numerous others. And I did my part, commenting on a few with my experience regarding the situation. As it often times happens, people disagreed, and thus ensued a back and forth of right and wrong, proper blogging etiquette, and so on. Granted, none of that really matters to me, as I feel people are allowed to do whatever they want with their lives, both on-line and off. And deal with the rewards or consequences that come along with it. Such is life. But another underlying theme arose: what responsibility does one have when giving advice? That thought gave me a “lightbulb” moment, in regards to my writing. While I have a good amount of experience or advice, I’m not really comfortable just putting it out there at will. Why? Because you didn’t ask.

I’ve developed somewhat of a reputation as a “Personal Google” amongst some people I’ve become friends with via places like Twitter and Brazen Careerist. Unlike MySpace and Facebook, these people never knew me beforehand, and only know what they’ve read or seen in a profile page. But as they’d ask a question, I’d give an answer. Mostly tech-related, but also other topics. I’ve also had personal, private conversations with folks who were going through something I had experience with. But those were one-on-one conversations, where my experience or advice was tailored to their specific issue. When I didn’t have an answer, I didn’t respond, or tried to connect them with someone who did. But do I just broadcast out how I think the world should be? No. Think of these scenarios:

• I have experience with Microsoft Windows, but you own a Mac.
• I have experience with managing assets held in a trust, but you don’t have a trust.
• I have experience with owning a home that had a sinkhole in Florida, but you rent an apartment in Chicago
• I have experience dealing with alcoholism and drug abuse, but you’ve never had more than 2 drinks in your life

The list could go on and on. In my 28.5 years on this planet, I’ve experienced a lot of things and met a lot of people. And I’ve always been keen on helping others out when I have the right tools to do it. But beyond that, it simply isn’t my place. That is, unless you ask.

Work / Life balance. It’s a popular topic these days, with some people saying it’s impossible, while others saying it’s a matter of priorities. While they have a point, in my experience they’re missing the big picture. Everyone has balance. Because everything has weight. So while it may seem like your life is in complete disarray, it is balanced in the way you decided it should be. Don’t like it? Then change it.

Does you life feel like this? At times, mine does. Between working a full time job, going to school part-time at night, doing freelance computer work, having a 20 month old son, and being married, there are times where I feel that there is way more on my shoulders than the ground underneath can hold. Yet the ground is still holding strong. So why the worry? For me, it means that I’ve given the wrong amount of weight to the wrong things in my life. When that happens, I have to reallocate. Things that were important one day aren’t the next. They can change weekly, daily, or even hourly.

For example: a few weeks ago I got a call from daycare that my son was sick. I had a meeting in an hour, and a lot of work to get done that afternoon. What did I do? I went and got my son. Now, it’s easier to do that when it comes to you kids. But I’ve done the same thing with work issues, family, and friends. To have a balance you’re comfortable with, you have to be OK with changing the weight of everything around you. I’ve got a simple order of things:

1. My son
2. My wife
3. Immediate family / Close friends
4. Work / Career
5. Me
6. School
7. Freelancing
8. Networking

Keep in mind one important thing: my priorities are NOT created equal. It isn’t about giving everything to everyone. Doing that just makes it worse. While I certainly know my career is important, I still leave the office at 5pm sharp to get my son from daycare. He’s simply more important. And if my brother calls me needing immediate help, then I won’t be making it to class that night. And note that I included myself on that list, albeit not at the top. I am not the most important thing in my life, as much as I’d like to be sometimes.

It’s just that simple. But only if you’re willing to make sacrifices. With the items of lower importance, people could perceive me any number of ways. But it is more important that I can live with my life than they can.