Like a lot of folks, I’m finally recovering from attending the South by Southwest Interactive conference. It was great to finally meet a lot of the folks that I’ve gotten to know on-line over the last few years in person, and meet a few more folks that I seem to have a lot in common with. And, without trying, I managed to generate some work for my freelance WordPress design business. I had a blast.

But I noticed something else. In these conversations, the names of a few people kept popping up with less than flattering opinions and statements made about them. One person in particular (name not required) came up over and over in a very negative light. Yet, of all the people who made these statements and shared their own negative experiences, only 2 of them had actually SAID anything to this person. They simply ignored them, or worse still passively communicated with them. A few folks actually told how they had been ‘bullied’ by this person when they attempted to ‘break’ their social media bonds.

This is sad on so many levels.

What happened to all the self-respect we talk so much about? Passion, personal goals, and all that jazz. Yet, when faced with a clear load of bullshit, we back down? Allow someone to speak FOR you, ABOUT you, and INSTEAD of you? What happened to this ‘voice’ we all had now?

You were taught better than this

Face it. You know that back when you were wee little ones, you were taught right from wrong, and how to stand up for yourself. It’s a worthy trait to have, self-respect. And I’m also guessing that you don’t enjoy dealing with douchebags and could do something better with your time. So I’ll make you a deal: cut the ties. If you think you’re missing out after 30 days, I’m sure they’ll still be there. But, will they even miss you?

Put down the Kool-Aid. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Community is big right now, isn’t it. It seems everywhere you turn, there is a new ‘community’ popping up. I bet you’re in a few. Hell, you probably read this blog because you know me from one. I belong to a few. I’ve been a member of a few in the past that I no longer affiliate with, and I’m sure there are a few down the road that I’ll join.

There is nothing wrong with that. But here’s the thing about community. If you aren’t careful, you stop remembering why you are there, and just begin to listen to whatever the leader says. No more thinking, no more analysis. Just following. Blind.

There was a reason you joined in the first place. Maybe you liked the topic. Or perhaps the people involved. You read and enjoyed the content, shared it with your friends and followers on places like Twitter and Facebook. You added the RSS, were eager to press that retweet button when a new post came out. It was exciting. You were a part of something good.

Then something happened. There were a lot of new people that don’t share the views you thought the community held. What used to be a fresh perspective was becoming stale. Repetitive. Recycled. But the leader still had that ‘something’ you liked in the beginning. So you continue to read, comment, and share. You’re still participating. You’re invested. And just like a junkie wishing to get the feeling back from that first time, you keep on jamming that needle in, hoping that perhaps, this time it’ll be better.

It won’t.  

For all the talk about how Gen-Y is independent, self-willed, etc we sure as hell follow a lot. We do something because other people are doing it. You want to get on-board in the beginning. Be a thought leader amongst your online crew. Pride and ego are a sonofabitch, isn’t it?

It’s time to stop. Stop following. Quit ignoring the signs. Question your leaders. ALL of them. If it’s a shitty post, say so. If the leader is wrong, make sure you share that just as loud as you did with the good stuff. If they’re a fraud, SCREAM IT. Better to be a loud asshole who’s right than a quiet one.

Remember, some people may be following you the same way you are to others. If you don’t say something, you’re just as bad.

I was reading some blog archives, and came across a post about friendship and how it relates to a career. I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my friends have helped me immensely, but not in the ways most people would imagine. I came the following conclusions, and have found them to be crucial for me, both in my career and in my life.

My friends couldn’t care less about what I do for a living

At first glance, that would appear to be a negative thing. But is it? My friends don’t look at me as another reference or networking tool. While we certainly all do that for each other (I’ve gotten a few people jobs at the firm I work for), it’s the the purpose. A good friend of mine and I get together at least once a week in my “cigar club” (my garage) and talk about everything from the latest Hot Water Music release to the proper way to set up a 4 port router to the latest in our social lives (I should say HIS social life. That cigar room IS my social life these days). I have numerous friends who are the same way. While we all could benefit from our individual connections, we’d rather just hang out and enjoy each other’s company.

They know where I came from, and where I could go

While I won’t go into the details, many of my friends know what I was like in my darkest times. We’ve all picked each other up off the floor (literally and figuratively), helped clean up the blood & broken glass, and in some cases even bailed each other out of jail. I know there’s still a video of me with a green mohawk throwing cans of beer at people in the streets of Savannah, GA one St. Patrick’s Day. No corner office will ever change that.

We were friends before anything else mattered

Now this isn’t the case for everyone. Since I’ve basically lived in the same county since I was 6, I am fortunate enough to have many friends that I’ve had for 10+ years, some even more. One good friend of mine recently graduated from pharmacy school, and is looking at a 6 figure income from the gate. We’ve been friends since 1st grade. We watch baseball, get lunch together when possible, and we’re planning on going to see a Yankee’s game this summer in NYC (finances permitting). Is that a pharmacist and an investment professional networking? No. It’s two lifelong friends enjoying baseball.

My friends certainly keep me grounded in my life. They help me have fun, shed the office mentality for a little while, and look back to time where none of that stuff really mattered. Adulthood is here to say, but with good friends, it’s bearable. In the words of Ferris Bueller, “If you have the means, I highly recommend it”.

The only ties I have ever owned were given to me by my dad. They look good, don’t get me wrong. The man is reasonably classy and has good tastes. I mean, at least we have similar tastes. He went to prep school and gets his fashion sense from that. I did not go to prep school, but looked up to him because he was the only non freak show in my life. As such, I follow in his fashion footsteps. In fairness though, my full Windsor is still pretty mediocre. What can I say? Like most Americans my age, I too will probably not be doing better than my parents.

But it’s not for lack of trying….

Or is it?

I incessantly worry over what the future economic prospects will hold for my generation, and most importantly, I can’t quite figure out where I fit in it all.  Some days I feel like I have a lot of people beaten. Others, I feel like I’m going nowhere. I’m just not sure if I’m giving it my all. But, then again, sometimes I think I am and the opportunities just aren’t there. I’m sure this is a constant worry for many, but I’m particularly concerned because I often worry about what I perceive to be compounding results.

My primary concern with compoundingresults is that if you don’t get super ahead now, are you only that much more behind over time? I keep thinking of it like it’s the natural log or something. There’s a continuous growth rate necessary for success and if you don’t get a jump on it, those who got a better break than you a little earlier on will fucking trounce you. And on top of that, any mistakes and set backs will be that much more  detrimental as well.

Basically, does anyone know where I can make a bunch of money so that I can pay my student loans off quickly?

No comments about the horrors of student loans. I am in no mood to be more bummed.

Thanks.

Matt.

I can safely assume that a good number of you who read this blog know about Brazen Careerist. So I don’t need to tell you that they’ve re-launched the site, moving away from a blog-focused site into a robust social networking tool for career-minded Millennials to advance, promote, and further themselves in an ever-tighting job market. (If you don’t know about it…well…now you do. So get on it.) Being on the older side of the “Gen-Y” spectrum, I’ve seen an evolution in how folks get hired, fired, and advanced within a company. Lance Haun over at YourHRGuy.com did a fantastic post on it, so I won’t waste anyone’s time. Considering I started my corporate career over 10 years ago, it’s safe to say that a lot of my youthful transgressions that would have otherwise kept me from being employable were fortunately done before everyone’s life was on-line.

So what’s it all about, then? Why bother connecting with folks when I’ve got a job? Simple. There is nothing static about your career anymore. Not yours, not mine. Take my own path for example.

Intern → Accountant → Chef → Accountant → Money Manager → ???

I put the ??? at the end of that because I have no idea what’s coming next. As some of you may know, I am leaving my position (and the salary) at the end of the year to go back to school full-time and finish my degree. My goal? Information Systems Management. In other words, something completely unrelated to any of my previous jobs.

So what does Brazen Careerist have to do with this? Everything. I’ve been doing quite a bit of freelance work in the last few months, with the intention of having that supplement my lack of income once I am back in school. I figured it would take 6-12 months to build up some steady business. How long did it take? 4 weeks. Why? Because of places like Brazen Careerist, I was able to connect with people that I otherwise wouldn’t have had the pleasure (or disdain) to meet. It’s been a melting pot of politics, technology, honest debate, and forward-looking people. People that are not easily found.

And seeing many of their success stories, I can be confident in leaving one career to start on another.

If you listen to some people, you’d think that social media is the elixir that’ll save the world, or at least corporate America. It’s also the A-#1 place to “brand” yourself and network, haven’t you heard? Forget the old ideas like “meeting people” and “talking to work associates”, just hop on-line, throw a few interests up, connect with the Chris Brogans of the world, get a nice head shot, and viola! your brand is complete!

Companies that “get it” allow and encourage things like Facebook at the office. Twitter is replacing email and other mediums as the go-to source for news and information. Sure it is. It’s also some of the dumbest, intellectually devoid garbage you’ll see in your life.

Facebook has become the place to find out how your friend from college grades out in the “What Jellybean Flavor Am I"?” quiz, their top 5 alcoholic beverages, and that they’re a fan of “Sleeping In”. And twitter? Some recent trending topics were such gems as  “#3wordsaftersex”, “#liesboystell”, and the ever important “#jonaswebcast”. Very critical information. Things I certainly want to share with my ‘network’. And let’s not forget about the also-rans such as Friendster, MySpace (still alive, but certainly not ‘cool’ anymore), Orkut, and a bunch of others you only hear about on TechCrunch and the like.

There are a lot of different social media sites on the web. Each have their own niche (or at least make the attempt), and some do it better than others. Facebook IS a good place to keep up with a wide scope of friends and family across the globe. Twitter is fantastic for getting quick answers, and helping out others. I’ll be the first to admit that twitter has been great for me, having been able to develop some pretty awesome relationships, lined up some freelance tech work, and given me an outlet for the random things that come out of my mind. And Facebook has been a godsend since my son was born, given that my available time has been greatly diminished. And yes, I still have (and use) MySpace, as it’s a great place to find new music. (I also met my wife there in 2004, but that’s another story altogether).

So what’s the point of all this? Whenever a new tool or medium comes out, people are quick to anoint it the new “[insert currently popular service here]” or “[widely used service]” – killer. Well, phones aren’t dead, email is still alive, and nothing replaces the real-deal human contact. So the next time someone tries to convince you that you’re screwed without the next latest and greatest thing, show them a LOLcat.

I had an eye-opening experience this evening. It wasn’t a new networking software or a panel of influential blogger. No, it was much simpler than that. I had dinner with a work colleague of mine and his wife. He’s the head of the new business (read: sales) of my firm, and has been in the business for a long time. He’s in his mid 60’s, and was close to retirement until the market tanked. He invited me over for dinner with he and his wife. And I must say, I learned more about networking and business practices tonight than I ever have before. If tonight was any indication, Gen-Y shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the Boomers, but rather look to learn from their wealth of experience.

My colleague came and picked me up from my hotel, and we started having a conversation on the way there, discussing the day’s events in the market, news with our firm, real estate, and other random topics. Once we got to his home, he gave me the tour, and we watched some NCAA basketball while his wife finished dinner, with her joining us for conversation as the food cooked.

The whole evening was somewhat surreal. In the 3 hours from pick-up to drop off, I caught a glimpse of how business was done prior to the ease of digital tools we used. People actually KNEW each other for more than an avatar or screen name. He talked about business friends that he had from his days in the Navy and at previous firms over his 40+ year career. About how he taught himself how he bought his first laptop in 1990 and learned how to create a electronic slide show, and how it blew away the CEO and helped land a very large account. And how technology has evolved.

But I got something else from the conversations. In hearing his stories, I could relate many of them to my own. So things, while advancing at a rapid pace, still haven’t really changed much. Friends are still friends, networking is still empty if not cultivated and given the proper energy, family still matters, and hard work still gets the job done. So as we go marching into the workforce, let’s put down the pitchforks for a moment and see what experience is out there to learn.

Last weekend, I went to the Harvest of Hope Fest in St. Augustine, Florida. While I am still physically in pain, mentally I returned refreshed, recharged, and in an overall better mood. (I also came back having picked up smoking again, but that’s not important here).

Now, as a good geek and internet junkie, I brought both my smartphone and my netbook, along with all the chords and chargers to make sure I stayed connected. Did I? No. But not for the reasons you think. I got a good signal, was able to connect, and do whatever I needed to. But, unbeknownst to me, I went “off the grid”. And it was fantastic.

I kept my phone off and in my truck, only to turn it on when I called my wife. I fired up the netbook and uploaded each day’s pictures before I went to sleep, but that was mainly to keep the space free on my SD card. I barely checked Twitter, and I never once loaded Facebook or my Google reader. I had no desire to, really. Why? I was there with both old friends and new faces, enjoying what was going on around me. There was music, laughter, debauchery, and a little bit of insanity. And I loved every minute of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I think social media is great. I’ve made some great connections, and met a few people I truly consider friends that I otherwise would have never known. And it’s been a great way to keep up with people, esp. given my rather hectic life. I love using Twitter to both keep a quick check on what’s going on, and also to help people with computer issues (which is something I truly enjoy). Hell, I met my wife on MySpace, so I don’t have an ill word towards any of it. But I’ve noticed that more and more, social media and networking is replacing actual human interaction. If your first thought to any interaction or thought is to blog, facebook, or tweet about it, maybe you should look around and see if there is something missing. Why not have that conversation with someone else? So that person that you keep saying you’re going to get together with? Don’t send them a message on MySpace or write on their Facebook wall. Call them. On the phone. And go out and have lunch, or a cup of coffee. You’ll be surprised to see what a difference the real human interaction will make.