Like a lot of folks, I’m finally recovering from attending the South by Southwest Interactive conference. It was great to finally meet a lot of the folks that I’ve gotten to know on-line over the last few years in person, and meet a few more folks that I seem to have a lot in common with. And, without trying, I managed to generate some work for my freelance WordPress design business. I had a blast.
But I noticed something else. In these conversations, the names of a few people kept popping up with less than flattering opinions and statements made about them. One person in particular (name not required) came up over and over in a very negative light. Yet, of all the people who made these statements and shared their own negative experiences, only 2 of them had actually SAID anything to this person. They simply ignored them, or worse still passively communicated with them. A few folks actually told how they had been ‘bullied’ by this person when they attempted to ‘break’ their social media bonds.
This is sad on so many levels.
What happened to all the self-respect we talk so much about? Passion, personal goals, and all that jazz. Yet, when faced with a clear load of bullshit, we back down? Allow someone to speak FOR you, ABOUT you, and INSTEAD of you? What happened to this ‘voice’ we all had now?
You were taught better than this
Face it. You know that back when you were wee little ones, you were taught right from wrong, and how to stand up for yourself. It’s a worthy trait to have, self-respect. And I’m also guessing that you don’t enjoy dealing with douchebags and could do something better with your time. So I’ll make you a deal: cut the ties. If you think you’re missing out after 30 days, I’m sure they’ll still be there. But, will they even miss you?
Put down the Kool-Aid. You’re embarrassing yourself.
Community is big right now, isn’t it. It seems everywhere you turn, there is a new ‘community’ popping up. I bet you’re in a few. Hell, you probably read this blog because you know me from one. I belong to a few. I’ve been a member of a few in the past that I no longer affiliate with, and I’m sure there are a few down the road that I’ll join.
There is nothing wrong with that. But here’s the thing about community. If you aren’t careful, you stop remembering why you are there, and just begin to listen to whatever the leader says. No more thinking, no more analysis. Just following. Blind.
There was a reason you joined in the first place. Maybe you liked the topic. Or perhaps the people involved. You read and enjoyed the content, shared it with your friends and followers on places like Twitter and Facebook. You added the RSS, were eager to press that retweet button when a new post came out. It was exciting. You were a part of something good.
Then something happened. There were a lot of new people that don’t share the views you thought the community held. What used to be a fresh perspective was becoming stale. Repetitive. Recycled. But the leader still had that ‘something’ you liked in the beginning. So you continue to read, comment, and share. You’re still participating. You’re invested. And just like a junkie wishing to get the feeling back from that first time, you keep on jamming that needle in, hoping that perhaps, this time it’ll be better.
It won’t.
For all the talk about how Gen-Y is independent, self-willed, etc we sure as hell follow a lot. We do something because other people are doing it. You want to get on-board in the beginning. Be a thought leader amongst your online crew. Pride and ego are a sonofabitch, isn’t it?
It’s time to stop. Stop following. Quit ignoring the signs. Question your leaders. ALL of them. If it’s a shitty post, say so. If the leader is wrong, make sure you share that just as loud as you did with the good stuff. If they’re a fraud, SCREAM IT. Better to be a loud asshole who’s right than a quiet one.
Remember, some people may be following you the same way you are to others. If you don’t say something, you’re just as bad.
I was reading some blog archives, and came across a post about friendship and how it relates to a career. I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my friends have helped me immensely, but not in the ways most people would imagine. I came the following conclusions, and have found them to be crucial for me, both in my career and in my life.
My friends couldn’t care less about what I do for a living
At first glance, that would appear to be a negative thing. But is it? My friends don’t look at me as another reference or networking tool. While we certainly all do that for each other (I’ve gotten a few people jobs at the firm I work for), it’s the the purpose. A good friend of mine and I get together at least once a week in my “cigar club” (my garage) and talk about everything from the latest Hot Water Music release to the proper way to set up a 4 port router to the latest in our social lives (I should say HIS social life. That cigar room IS my social life these days). I have numerous friends who are the same way. While we all could benefit from our individual connections, we’d rather just hang out and enjoy each other’s company.
They know where I came from, and where I could go
While I won’t go into the details, many of my friends know what I was like in my darkest times. We’ve all picked each other up off the floor (literally and figuratively), helped clean up the blood & broken glass, and in some cases even bailed each other out of jail. I know there’s still a video of me with a green mohawk throwing cans of beer at people in the streets of Savannah, GA one St. Patrick’s Day. No corner office will ever change that.
We were friends before anything else mattered
Now this isn’t the case for everyone. Since I’ve basically lived in the same county since I was 6, I am fortunate enough to have many friends that I’ve had for 10+ years, some even more. One good friend of mine recently graduated from pharmacy school, and is looking at a 6 figure income from the gate. We’ve been friends since 1st grade. We watch baseball, get lunch together when possible, and we’re planning on going to see a Yankee’s game this summer in NYC (finances permitting). Is that a pharmacist and an investment professional networking? No. It’s two lifelong friends enjoying baseball.
My friends certainly keep me grounded in my life. They help me have fun, shed the office mentality for a little while, and look back to time where none of that stuff really mattered. Adulthood is here to say, but with good friends, it’s bearable. In the words of Ferris Bueller, “If you have the means, I highly recommend it”.
What happened to all the self-respect we talk so much about? Passion, personal goals, and all that jazz. Yet, when faced with a clear load of bullshit, we back down? Allow someone to speak FOR you, ABOUT you, and INSTEAD of you? What happened to this ‘voice’ we all had now?
I am a freelance web monkey in St. Petersburg, FL. I am heavily tattoo'd, I sleep too little, I drink too much coffee, smoke entirely too many cigarettes, but otherwise do my thing. I have a fantastic wife and a rock & roll son.
