So the voters in Maine repealed the same sex marriage law. This isn’t the first time a state has either banned gay marriage, or repealed a law on the books. I am serious when I say that I feel ashamed for my fellow man. The fact that people will make the effort to deny others the joy (and frustration) of being with the person they love, in a relationship ‘approved’ by the state is just mind boggling.

This evening I had a conversation on twitter with Lance Haun, who didn’t see it the same way. Not the issue, but the fact that I felt shame over it. After all, I don’t live in Maine, and I certainly didn’t vote to repeal the law, so why should I care? Lance put forth a call to action, to work on improving the human condition instead of feeling shame. I plan on doing both.

Now to be perfectly honest, I don’t know why I care. I’m a middle-class white guy married to a beautiful woman, and have a great son. No one is attempting to remove any of my rights at all. Consider this, however. My wife is part Cuban, so in the past our marriage would have been viewed in a negative light. Her grandmother was disowned for marrying her grandfather (from Cuba), so we aren’t all that far away from that.

Personally, I think NO marriage should be recognized by the state. At all. After all, I do agree with the argument that marriage is defined as a man and a woman. However, that definition comes from the Bible, a book that I don’t give any credence to. I’m not Christian, so the implied morals and rules that come along with it aren’t relevant to me. So if your faith doesn’t agree with the idea of two men or two women getting ‘married’, fine. The states should strictly issue civil unions, and afford all the rights (property, tax, and otherwise) that comes with what we currently attribute to marriage. Then, if your particular faith involves a marriage ceremony, have at it. My ceremony was done on the beach, with family, and no bible was involved.

At the end of the day, I see it as a matter of rights. Rights that voters have said aren’t the same for everyone. I don’t feel OK with the fact that those people share the same blood and soil that I do.

I’ve come to the time in my life where more and more of my friends are getting married. Good for them. As one who has gone through it myself, I’m a big fan. However, once the conversation moves to the planning portion, I’m at a loss. Once they start talking about the various hardships involved with choosing napkins, locations, etc. I can’t help but laugh quietly to myself. Then I think of this video, and laugh even harder.

So here’s my little secret: I planned my entire wedding, and I did it exactly how my wife and I wanted, for less than $1,000 (rings included). So for those who think a wedding is impossible for under $30,000, ditch the magazines. They’re lying to you.

So how did I do it? Here’s a quick breakdown.

• Got married on a public beach (free)
• Purchased inexpensive rings
• Purchased a very nice dress that wasn’t a “wedding” dress.
  • Bonus: it can be worn again!
• Had my father (a minister) do the service
• Had only immediate family at the service
• Had 4 separate receptions*
  • One for our friends at a local bar the night of the wedding.
  • One for my side of the family the following day (hosted by my parents)
  • One for my wife’s father’s side 2 weeks later
  • One for my wife’s mother’s side a few months later (planned around people coming in town)

Now, I understand that my experience can’t translate completely to you. But think these few things over.

• Decide EXACTLY what you and your spouse want first

Sounds easy enough, right? But remember, everyone else is going to have ideas for you. My wife and I decided what we wanted our wedding to be, before anyone else had a chance. Once we knew that, we could go ahead with the rest of the planning.

• Spend your own money whenever possible

There’s a reason for this. My wife and I didn’t have much money at all (still don’t, in fact) when we got married. She was still in law school, I had only recently began working a job that paid decently, and we were planning on purchasing a home. So every penny that went towards the wedding was money that couldn’t go towards the house or something more important, like student loan payments. Also, if someone else is footing the bill, they’ve got the (somewhat) justified reason to request that the wedding have / do certain things. Which leads me to my next point…

• Tell your family to (politely) butt out

You’ll have everyone tell you it’s “your day”. Then, they’ll proceed to tell you exactly what they think “your day” should be. Ignore them. You want to get married in a big church? Go for it. Want to get married in Vegas by a drive-thru Elvis? Rock on, do it. Don’t think that just because your mother wants something, you have to do it. Unless that’s what you’ve done your entire life. Which in that case…well…good luck.

• Pull favors and cut corners wherever you can, with one exception

As you can see above, we didn’t spend a lot of money on things that are traditionally expensive. In my opinion, the only thing worth the money is getting a good photographer. After all, the pictures are the only thing you’re really going to remember years down the road. And if it ends in divorce, you’ve got something tangible to burn.