So the voters in Maine repealed the same sex marriage law. This isn’t the first time a state has either banned gay marriage, or repealed a law on the books. I am serious when I say that I feel ashamed for my fellow man. The fact that people will make the effort to deny others the joy (and frustration) of being with the person they love, in a relationship ‘approved’ by the state is just mind boggling.

This evening I had a conversation on twitter with Lance Haun, who didn’t see it the same way. Not the issue, but the fact that I felt shame over it. After all, I don’t live in Maine, and I certainly didn’t vote to repeal the law, so why should I care? Lance put forth a call to action, to work on improving the human condition instead of feeling shame. I plan on doing both.

Now to be perfectly honest, I don’t know why I care. I’m a middle-class white guy married to a beautiful woman, and have a great son. No one is attempting to remove any of my rights at all. Consider this, however. My wife is part Cuban, so in the past our marriage would have been viewed in a negative light. Her grandmother was disowned for marrying her grandfather (from Cuba), so we aren’t all that far away from that.

Personally, I think NO marriage should be recognized by the state. At all. After all, I do agree with the argument that marriage is defined as a man and a woman. However, that definition comes from the Bible, a book that I don’t give any credence to. I’m not Christian, so the implied morals and rules that come along with it aren’t relevant to me. So if your faith doesn’t agree with the idea of two men or two women getting ‘married’, fine. The states should strictly issue civil unions, and afford all the rights (property, tax, and otherwise) that comes with what we currently attribute to marriage. Then, if your particular faith involves a marriage ceremony, have at it. My ceremony was done on the beach, with family, and no bible was involved.

At the end of the day, I see it as a matter of rights. Rights that voters have said aren’t the same for everyone. I don’t feel OK with the fact that those people share the same blood and soil that I do.

I was reading some blog archives, and came across a post about friendship and how it relates to a career. I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my friends have helped me immensely, but not in the ways most people would imagine. I came the following conclusions, and have found them to be crucial for me, both in my career and in my life.

My friends couldn’t care less about what I do for a living

At first glance, that would appear to be a negative thing. But is it? My friends don’t look at me as another reference or networking tool. While we certainly all do that for each other (I’ve gotten a few people jobs at the firm I work for), it’s the the purpose. A good friend of mine and I get together at least once a week in my “cigar club” (my garage) and talk about everything from the latest Hot Water Music release to the proper way to set up a 4 port router to the latest in our social lives (I should say HIS social life. That cigar room IS my social life these days). I have numerous friends who are the same way. While we all could benefit from our individual connections, we’d rather just hang out and enjoy each other’s company.

They know where I came from, and where I could go

While I won’t go into the details, many of my friends know what I was like in my darkest times. We’ve all picked each other up off the floor (literally and figuratively), helped clean up the blood & broken glass, and in some cases even bailed each other out of jail. I know there’s still a video of me with a green mohawk throwing cans of beer at people in the streets of Savannah, GA one St. Patrick’s Day. No corner office will ever change that.

We were friends before anything else mattered

Now this isn’t the case for everyone. Since I’ve basically lived in the same county since I was 6, I am fortunate enough to have many friends that I’ve had for 10+ years, some even more. One good friend of mine recently graduated from pharmacy school, and is looking at a 6 figure income from the gate. We’ve been friends since 1st grade. We watch baseball, get lunch together when possible, and we’re planning on going to see a Yankee’s game this summer in NYC (finances permitting). Is that a pharmacist and an investment professional networking? No. It’s two lifelong friends enjoying baseball.

My friends certainly keep me grounded in my life. They help me have fun, shed the office mentality for a little while, and look back to time where none of that stuff really mattered. Adulthood is here to say, but with good friends, it’s bearable. In the words of Ferris Bueller, “If you have the means, I highly recommend it”.

The only ties I have ever owned were given to me by my dad. They look good, don’t get me wrong. The man is reasonably classy and has good tastes. I mean, at least we have similar tastes. He went to prep school and gets his fashion sense from that. I did not go to prep school, but looked up to him because he was the only non freak show in my life. As such, I follow in his fashion footsteps. In fairness though, my full Windsor is still pretty mediocre. What can I say? Like most Americans my age, I too will probably not be doing better than my parents.

But it’s not for lack of trying….

Or is it?

I incessantly worry over what the future economic prospects will hold for my generation, and most importantly, I can’t quite figure out where I fit in it all.  Some days I feel like I have a lot of people beaten. Others, I feel like I’m going nowhere. I’m just not sure if I’m giving it my all. But, then again, sometimes I think I am and the opportunities just aren’t there. I’m sure this is a constant worry for many, but I’m particularly concerned because I often worry about what I perceive to be compounding results.

My primary concern with compoundingresults is that if you don’t get super ahead now, are you only that much more behind over time? I keep thinking of it like it’s the natural log or something. There’s a continuous growth rate necessary for success and if you don’t get a jump on it, those who got a better break than you a little earlier on will fucking trounce you. And on top of that, any mistakes and set backs will be that much more  detrimental as well.

Basically, does anyone know where I can make a bunch of money so that I can pay my student loans off quickly?

No comments about the horrors of student loans. I am in no mood to be more bummed.

Thanks.

Matt.

Work / Life balance. It’s a popular topic these days, with some people saying it’s impossible, while others saying it’s a matter of priorities. While they have a point, in my experience they’re missing the big picture. Everyone has balance. Because everything has weight. So while it may seem like your life is in complete disarray, it is balanced in the way you decided it should be. Don’t like it? Then change it.

Does you life feel like this? At times, mine does. Between working a full time job, going to school part-time at night, doing freelance computer work, having a 20 month old son, and being married, there are times where I feel that there is way more on my shoulders than the ground underneath can hold. Yet the ground is still holding strong. So why the worry? For me, it means that I’ve given the wrong amount of weight to the wrong things in my life. When that happens, I have to reallocate. Things that were important one day aren’t the next. They can change weekly, daily, or even hourly.

For example: a few weeks ago I got a call from daycare that my son was sick. I had a meeting in an hour, and a lot of work to get done that afternoon. What did I do? I went and got my son. Now, it’s easier to do that when it comes to you kids. But I’ve done the same thing with work issues, family, and friends. To have a balance you’re comfortable with, you have to be OK with changing the weight of everything around you. I’ve got a simple order of things:

1. My son
2. My wife
3. Immediate family / Close friends
4. Work / Career
5. Me
6. School
7. Freelancing
8. Networking

Keep in mind one important thing: my priorities are NOT created equal. It isn’t about giving everything to everyone. Doing that just makes it worse. While I certainly know my career is important, I still leave the office at 5pm sharp to get my son from daycare. He’s simply more important. And if my brother calls me needing immediate help, then I won’t be making it to class that night. And note that I included myself on that list, albeit not at the top. I am not the most important thing in my life, as much as I’d like to be sometimes.

It’s just that simple. But only if you’re willing to make sacrifices. With the items of lower importance, people could perceive me any number of ways. But it is more important that I can live with my life than they can.