Coming in under the wire, this is my contribution to Holly’s Mentor Roundtables post

Have you failed in life? No? Then you have nothing to teach me. It’s just that simple. In my life and my career, the biggest gains in my life have come from the result of a huge, drastic failure. Failure to finish college. Failure to manage my vices. Failure at my first stab at a career. All of these things were monumental failures. And you know what? I learned more from those than anything else. And that’s what I have to offer. My failure. My experience.

So what do you have to offer? What have you failed at? Because if you haven’t failed, you haven’t been tested. It’s easy to give mentoring advice when you don’t know what happens when the shit hits the fan. How’d you deal with it? What was the fallout? How did you grow?

Because that’s what I would want. Pain is learning.

So stop writing like you are.

We’ve all seen the posts. A list for this, a top-ten for that, a how-to about everything and anything. You’ll usually get some comments saying how great the advice is, or how it’s timely to that person’s situation at that given moment, or maybe it reminds them of something that happened in their life a while back.

And it’s all bullshit. So stop it.

I’m not here to say that you shouldn’t write about personal experience. Most bloggers do. Hell, it’s the most honest thing you can write about (assuming you’re telling the truth, but that’s another post for another day). But please, after you have shared, stop typing and hit publish. Leave out that last paragraph where you’re telling me how that translates into something I am supposed to do with my life. Because you know what? It doesn’t.

Here’s the thing: my life is not your life. There’s a distinct possibility that, while there may be similarities, we have way more differences about us. And that is a GOOD thing. It’s what makes the world worth living. After all, if we were all alike, we’d probably have killed off the human race out of sheer boredom.

But here is where it gets interesting. There are now bloggers out there making a name for themselves handing out advice that they have no fucking business giving. At all. Been freelancing for a month? Don’t tell me how to run a successful business. Been married for a year? The advice better stop at 365 days worth of experience. Think having a dog gives you the wisdom to tell me about my son? Go die in a fire instead.

People have the need to feel important. I get that. But stick to what you know. There’s a reason I don’t answer questions about things I don’t know. I know a little about a lot, a lot about a few things, and everything about nothing whatsoever. And that doesn’t make me less of a person. It makes me a bit more normal.

I can safely assume that a good number of you who read this blog know about Brazen Careerist. So I don’t need to tell you that they’ve re-launched the site, moving away from a blog-focused site into a robust social networking tool for career-minded Millennials to advance, promote, and further themselves in an ever-tighting job market. (If you don’t know about it…well…now you do. So get on it.) Being on the older side of the “Gen-Y” spectrum, I’ve seen an evolution in how folks get hired, fired, and advanced within a company. Lance Haun over at YourHRGuy.com did a fantastic post on it, so I won’t waste anyone’s time. Considering I started my corporate career over 10 years ago, it’s safe to say that a lot of my youthful transgressions that would have otherwise kept me from being employable were fortunately done before everyone’s life was on-line.

So what’s it all about, then? Why bother connecting with folks when I’ve got a job? Simple. There is nothing static about your career anymore. Not yours, not mine. Take my own path for example.

Intern → Accountant → Chef → Accountant → Money Manager → ???

I put the ??? at the end of that because I have no idea what’s coming next. As some of you may know, I am leaving my position (and the salary) at the end of the year to go back to school full-time and finish my degree. My goal? Information Systems Management. In other words, something completely unrelated to any of my previous jobs.

So what does Brazen Careerist have to do with this? Everything. I’ve been doing quite a bit of freelance work in the last few months, with the intention of having that supplement my lack of income once I am back in school. I figured it would take 6-12 months to build up some steady business. How long did it take? 4 weeks. Why? Because of places like Brazen Careerist, I was able to connect with people that I otherwise wouldn’t have had the pleasure (or disdain) to meet. It’s been a melting pot of politics, technology, honest debate, and forward-looking people. People that are not easily found.

And seeing many of their success stories, I can be confident in leaving one career to start on another.

I admit, this blog has been somewhat quiet as of late. I’ve got a few drafts in the works, but they just aren’t quite ready for prime-time yet. Also, I’ve been gearing up for a big change that’s on the horizon (more information to come). In addition, I’ve been working behind the scenes with Jun Loayza and the Viralogy.com team on their new project: Viralogy Themes.

You can read all about it here.

(So does this mean I’m also “living the start-up life”?)

If you listen to some people, you’d think that social media is the elixir that’ll save the world, or at least corporate America. It’s also the A-#1 place to “brand” yourself and network, haven’t you heard? Forget the old ideas like “meeting people” and “talking to work associates”, just hop on-line, throw a few interests up, connect with the Chris Brogans of the world, get a nice head shot, and viola! your brand is complete!

Companies that “get it” allow and encourage things like Facebook at the office. Twitter is replacing email and other mediums as the go-to source for news and information. Sure it is. It’s also some of the dumbest, intellectually devoid garbage you’ll see in your life.

Facebook has become the place to find out how your friend from college grades out in the “What Jellybean Flavor Am I"?” quiz, their top 5 alcoholic beverages, and that they’re a fan of “Sleeping In”. And twitter? Some recent trending topics were such gems as  “#3wordsaftersex”, “#liesboystell”, and the ever important “#jonaswebcast”. Very critical information. Things I certainly want to share with my ‘network’. And let’s not forget about the also-rans such as Friendster, MySpace (still alive, but certainly not ‘cool’ anymore), Orkut, and a bunch of others you only hear about on TechCrunch and the like.

There are a lot of different social media sites on the web. Each have their own niche (or at least make the attempt), and some do it better than others. Facebook IS a good place to keep up with a wide scope of friends and family across the globe. Twitter is fantastic for getting quick answers, and helping out others. I’ll be the first to admit that twitter has been great for me, having been able to develop some pretty awesome relationships, lined up some freelance tech work, and given me an outlet for the random things that come out of my mind. And Facebook has been a godsend since my son was born, given that my available time has been greatly diminished. And yes, I still have (and use) MySpace, as it’s a great place to find new music. (I also met my wife there in 2004, but that’s another story altogether).

So what’s the point of all this? Whenever a new tool or medium comes out, people are quick to anoint it the new “[insert currently popular service here]” or “[widely used service]” – killer. Well, phones aren’t dead, email is still alive, and nothing replaces the real-deal human contact. So the next time someone tries to convince you that you’re screwed without the next latest and greatest thing, show them a LOLcat.

I promise I’m not dead, nor have I given up on this blog. Just been quite busy as of late, and writing has taken a back seat to things like “work” and “family”. There will be new posts soon, I promise.

I was recently interviewed by the very Jun Loayza as part of the Awesome Bloggers series he’s doing over at Viralogy. I definitely have a face for radio, that’s for sure.

You can check out the original here.

When I was young, my father told me a few things. One of them was to be careful about offering unsolicited advice, since often times I won’t know the whole story. And that’s been true to this day.

Recently, there was a dust-up over a post regarding leaving a job and “burning bridges”. One post spawned numerous others. And I did my part, commenting on a few with my experience regarding the situation. As it often times happens, people disagreed, and thus ensued a back and forth of right and wrong, proper blogging etiquette, and so on. Granted, none of that really matters to me, as I feel people are allowed to do whatever they want with their lives, both on-line and off. And deal with the rewards or consequences that come along with it. Such is life. But another underlying theme arose: what responsibility does one have when giving advice? That thought gave me a “lightbulb” moment, in regards to my writing. While I have a good amount of experience or advice, I’m not really comfortable just putting it out there at will. Why? Because you didn’t ask.

I’ve developed somewhat of a reputation as a “Personal Google” amongst some people I’ve become friends with via places like Twitter and Brazen Careerist. Unlike MySpace and Facebook, these people never knew me beforehand, and only know what they’ve read or seen in a profile page. But as they’d ask a question, I’d give an answer. Mostly tech-related, but also other topics. I’ve also had personal, private conversations with folks who were going through something I had experience with. But those were one-on-one conversations, where my experience or advice was tailored to their specific issue. When I didn’t have an answer, I didn’t respond, or tried to connect them with someone who did. But do I just broadcast out how I think the world should be? No. Think of these scenarios:

• I have experience with Microsoft Windows, but you own a Mac.
• I have experience with managing assets held in a trust, but you don’t have a trust.
• I have experience with owning a home that had a sinkhole in Florida, but you rent an apartment in Chicago
• I have experience dealing with alcoholism and drug abuse, but you’ve never had more than 2 drinks in your life

The list could go on and on. In my 28.5 years on this planet, I’ve experienced a lot of things and met a lot of people. And I’ve always been keen on helping others out when I have the right tools to do it. But beyond that, it simply isn’t my place. That is, unless you ask.

It’s always nice to get a raise. It’s even nicer to get a raise without, you know, actually getting a raise. When my wife began her career as a prosecutor for the state attorney’s office, I immediately got a $300 dollar raise. Now, I’m not a lawyer, nor do I work for the state. So why did I get a raise?

Heath insurance. Hers is free for the family, whereas mine was $300 a month. I am a real fortunate guy. For starters, the $300 a month was lower
than many people I know in the area, so I was already ahead to begin
with. And heck, I actually had a job that offered it, so I was golden. As I said, I’m fortunate.

My friend Kimi isn’t so fortunate.

You can read Part I here and Part II here

Now you’re probably reading this thinking that I want government to come in and save the day. Hardly. Most of the time, government can’t get out of its own way. And the current political landscape is so divided that no one in Washington will risk doing what’s right by sacrificing their political careers, as evidenced by the recent vote in the House on the financial bailout package. (And the pork that was added really upset me, but that’s another issue for another day) But I’m not a conservative who thinks that business will correct itself, either. Complete free markets, when left unchecked, will self destruct. Because all free market theories forget one basic principal: there are people involved. Emotions and greed negate most logical and rational theories. ]]>

Now back to the market itself*. There are many,
many issues at hand, and they’re all inter-related. The ‘biggest single point
drop ever’ that happened on Monday was actually the 17% largest in history. To
match the drop in 1987, it would have to have been 3x larger. And the Dow
itself isn’t the best indicator of the US market. It’s only 30 companies,
and it’s price-weighted, so a dollar gain in a lower priced company (which
would be a larger percentage) would be negated by a dollar drop in a higher
priced company. So while it’s a widely accepted barometer of the US stock
market, it’s not the end-all answer to what’s going on. Look at the S&P
500, or the Wiltshire 5000 to get a better perspective. And while you’re at it,
include the 10 year bond yield, the FTSE (London
exchange) and the MSCI EAFE (a broad European and Asian index) for
good measure. And let’s not forget the CDS (Credit Default Swap) market, which
is a $46 trillion (with a T) dollar unregulated market (in contrast, the NYSE
is $25 trillion). In other words, market analysis is a full time job, not
reading a headline. ]]>

Well, it seems that everyone has an opinion regarding the
recent financial mess. That’s to be expected, considering that this has a very
far-reaching effect on way more than just the Dow Jones Industrial Average. But
after reading various news reports, blogs, op-ed pieces, forwarded emails,
tweets, and everything in between, I’ve come to a realization: most people are
idiots, and shouldn’t be listened to.

Last night, I celebrated

It is undeniable that the ability to network is a great skill. With the right connections, careers are launched, deals are sold, and problems are solved. Whether the network has been developed on-line or in the local community (hopefully both), these folks can make or break a situation. You read articles on an almost daily basis about how to grow and use your network to your advantage, say when you’re job hunting. However, what are YOU doing for people in YOUR network?

I’ve got a nice little Saturday planned. The brief outline:

• Setting up a wireless network
• Replacing a hard drive and installing RAM on a laptop
• Reviewing mortgage paperwork and
  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/selfish-masquerade/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/n-i-m-b-y/ http://restlesslikeme.com/n-i-m-b-y/#comments Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:12:50 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/08/nimby.html

  Brazen Careerist. Then there is Second Life, which I know almost nothing about. Include places like flickr, twitter, and numerous other niche sites, blogs, and forums, and you’ve got a lot of choices to throw in your time, efforts, and opinions. But what to all of these virutal communities lack?
  ]]>

  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/n-i-m-b-y/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/its-coming-right-for-us/ http://restlesslikeme.com/its-coming-right-for-us/#comments Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:21:17 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/08/its-coming-right-for-us.html

  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/its-coming-right-for-us/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/film-noir/ http://restlesslikeme.com/film-noir/#comments Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:18:36 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/08/film-noir.html

  living up to your ‘potential’, and how it was complete BS. I couldn’t agree more. Who’s deciding this potential? Is is an expectation due to my surroundings? Family? What else?

  What I find funny about that ‘potential’ that some people accuse others of not reaching is that, it’s always the potential for good. What about my potential for negative things? Self Destruction? Because I’ve shown more people that potential than anything else.
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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/film-noir/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/save-your-generation/ http://restlesslikeme.com/save-your-generation/#comments Thu, 14 Aug 2008 07:50:58 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/08/save-your-generation.html

  I’ve been reading a lot on how my generation (I’m on the cusp of X and Y, according to people who decide such things) makes less than their parents, and how we’re not able to save for retirement and whatnot. Also, there is a movement to make salaries transparent. Funny, but I am not really a part of either. I currently make more than my mother or father do. Yet, they’re much better off than I am. So what gives?

  Lifestyle. Plain and simple.

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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/save-your-generation/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/more-de-palma-less-fellini/ http://restlesslikeme.com/more-de-palma-less-fellini/#comments Mon, 28 Jul 2008 03:38:00 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/07/more-de-palma-less-fellini.html

  (First off, my apologizes for the lack of posting. For what it’s worth, I do have a few drafts written up. Life has been hectic, what can I say)

  
  Recently, I’ve been interviewing people (along with my boss) for the second Investment Officer position in my department. Since the gal we hired decided to leave (blamed commute and gas prices), we’re back to where we were 6 months ago. Which, all in all, isn’t that big of a deal. But the big part for me has been learning how to interview, and getting feedback from my boss about questions, responses, etc. It’s been quite the experience, to say the least. Given that my boss and I have more of a friendship / mentor relationship that an employer / employee relationship, I really do value his opinions and feedback.

  Holly over at WorkLoveLife has begun to blog about being accountable in the various aspects of her life. It’s quite an ambitious goal, given the transparency that the internet can either give, or hide. But I admire it.

  For me, I have quite a few people I’m held accountable to. As a former boss put it, I have a “board of directors” in my life. Every successful business has one, why not a successful life? Here’s mine:

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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/more-de-palma-less-fellini/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/heresy-hypocrisy-and-revenge/ http://restlesslikeme.com/heresy-hypocrisy-and-revenge/#comments Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:27:41 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/06/heresy-hypocrisy-and-revenge.html

  most recent tattoo last week. It’s a big one. It’s my 7th. I started getting tattoo’d when I was 20, and I’ve never really looked back. I’ve had pieces in magazines, placed in contests, and had internationally known artists work on me.

  Then I read this article. Basically, according to Mr. Carpenter, I am a subhuman freak. On par with prostitutes, pimps, people with mental illness, and ancient tribal people. Frankly, I was offended by what he said. And I’m not offended very easily. While I understand everyone doesn’t appreciate or agree with my choices of self-expression (my parents being in that category), it certainly isn’t mutilation. And putting the artists in quotes, as to infer that they aren’t indeed talented artists? I’d like to see him attempt to draw something with a vibrating pen on a squirming person.

  But he can’t. But he’s too busy making broad judgments. Like assuming that Mike Tyson’s face has anything to do with my ink (it doesn’t) or that, in his own words, “No one can deny that the heaviest concentrations of tattoos occur in
  the lowest segments of society — prostitutes, pimps, pugs, prison
  inmates, Ku Klux Klansmen and the members of street and motorcycle
  gangs.” (they don’t).

  So basically, in Mr. Carpenter’s world, I’m a freak. And yet, on any given day, Mr. Carpenter would have no idea I’m the kind of person he knows nothing about, yet feels the need to chastise. Heck, he may even think I’m a nice family man. As stated by one of my favorite bands, Good Riddance, “hatred is the stillborn child of ignorance and boredom”. Sounds like Mr. Carpenter has too much time on his hands.
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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/heresy-hypocrisy-and-revenge/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/spring-break-1899/ http://restlesslikeme.com/spring-break-1899/#comments Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:53:22 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/06/spring-break-1899.html

  It’s annual review time again! Like every year before this, I struggled to fill out my portion of the review. It used to be an issue of an inability to (a) remember what the hell I did the last year, (b) not focus on my failings, and (c) not come across as an arrogant asshole. Now, there’s still the issue of remembering what I did, but I find myself walking the thin line of honesty and self-promotion. I’ve never been a self-promoter. Not my style. But over the last year, I’ve worked towards being able to allow myself to take credit for my success, and also take accountability for my mistakes. And doing so, I’ve made very few mistakes.

  Isn’t that where it’s at? I mean, no one likes to admit they’re wrong. But if you don’t ever do it, you’ll never see why you’re making mistakes, and you’ll never correct the behavior to move forward.

  Each of my reviews I’ve had since taking my current position have gone really well. This one is no different. The raises have been sizable (esp. considering the current market), and more importantly, the feedback and communication has been transparent. I know where I am, I know what my boss thinks of me, and we are working together. It’s a good feeling to know that we’re all on the same page.
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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/spring-break-1899/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/another-state-of-mind/ http://restlesslikeme.com/another-state-of-mind/#comments Fri, 06 Jun 2008 01:57:48 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/06/another-state-of-mind.html

  
  

  This originally appears as a guest post at the Home Office Warrior.
  

  
  

  In walking to the parking
  garage with a co-worker recently, the conversation turned to telecommuters. At
  some point, the mention of the “office camaraderie” and friends at the office
  was mentioned, and how those working from home were missing out. In my usual
  fashion, I made a sarcastic comment, “I’d like to think that I am more
  qualified and better at choosing my friends than HR. Furthermore, I’d hope that
  HR has the job description in mind more than my preferences on music and
  cigars.” We got to our respective vehicles, and went about our lives. But the
  conversation still stuck in my head. Where did the idea of the “office friend”
  come from? Why do people think it is so important?

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