Like a lot of folks, I’m finally recovering from attending the South by Southwest Interactive conference. It was great to finally meet a lot of the folks that I’ve gotten to know on-line over the last few years in person, and meet a few more folks that I seem to have a lot in common with. And, without trying, I managed to generate some work for my freelance WordPress design business. I had a blast.

But I noticed something else. In these conversations, the names of a few people kept popping up with less than flattering opinions and statements made about them. One person in particular (name not required) came up over and over in a very negative light. Yet, of all the people who made these statements and shared their own negative experiences, only 2 of them had actually SAID anything to this person. They simply ignored them, or worse still passively communicated with them. A few folks actually told how they had been ‘bullied’ by this person when they attempted to ‘break’ their social media bonds.

This is sad on so many levels.

What happened to all the self-respect we talk so much about? Passion, personal goals, and all that jazz. Yet, when faced with a clear load of bullshit, we back down? Allow someone to speak FOR you, ABOUT you, and INSTEAD of you? What happened to this ‘voice’ we all had now?

You were taught better than this

Face it. You know that back when you were wee little ones, you were taught right from wrong, and how to stand up for yourself. It’s a worthy trait to have, self-respect. And I’m also guessing that you don’t enjoy dealing with douchebags and could do something better with your time. So I’ll make you a deal: cut the ties. If you think you’re missing out after 30 days, I’m sure they’ll still be there. But, will they even miss you?

Coming in under the wire, this is my contribution to Holly’s Mentor Roundtables post

Have you failed in life? No? Then you have nothing to teach me. It’s just that simple. In my life and my career, the biggest gains in my life have come from the result of a huge, drastic failure. Failure to finish college. Failure to manage my vices. Failure at my first stab at a career. All of these things were monumental failures. And you know what? I learned more from those than anything else. And that’s what I have to offer. My failure. My experience.

So what do you have to offer? What have you failed at? Because if you haven’t failed, you haven’t been tested. It’s easy to give mentoring advice when you don’t know what happens when the shit hits the fan. How’d you deal with it? What was the fallout? How did you grow?

Because that’s what I would want. Pain is learning.

The other night, I had a plan. A good plan. A productive plan. After my AA meeting, I was going to go downtown, fire up the laptop, finish a blog post I’ve been working on, tweak a few things on my laptop, set up some FTP access for a friend, and maybe catch some football on TV. But I did none of that. Instead, I had a cigar and enjoyed the football game with the other patrons. And in doing so, I came to a realization that had been gnawing at me for a while.

You need to turn ‘off’ the multi-tasking and networking from time to time.

Smoking cigars is something I do to relax and unwind. It’s somewhat of a carryover from the 15 years I smoked cigarettes (yes, I started smoking at age 10, and even worse I began again a few months ago.), some of it is tied to my father’s own cigar smoking, but mostly it’s a reason to sit down and decompress. Given that it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to smoke a cigar, it’s almost as though I am mandating relaxation to myself.

So why do I want to include other work in it? I don’t, and I shouldn’t. While it’s OK to do something else from time to time, there’s a reason I need to relax in the first place. If I begin to incorporate other tasks into it, the meaning and purpose is gone.

There is always the push to always be ‘productive’. Whether it’s the non-stop data feeds of RSS and email, the numerous GTD posts, blogs, gurus, or just the fact that there are more things to do than time to do them, we often lose sight of relaxation. Relaxation IS productive, probably more so than half the things I do to ‘stay on top of things’. When I am in a situation that is calming and relaxing, I have a better chance of seeing through the problems and issues I may be facing at that time. I can allow all the half-thoughts to either complete themselves or filter there way out.

And most importantly, I can watch football.

Not a day goes by where I don’t see some mention of how companies are blocking access to sites like twitter and facebook. THE HORROR! Social media evangelists will cry out how this is backwards thinking, how these sites are crutial for career management, that it’s a lack of trust, or just downright unfair. But they’re wrong. It’s the fault of both the employees and management themselves. Not some damn website.

In addition to the various web development / WordPress ninja freelance work I do, I’ve also developed somewhat of a niche of doing IT consulting for attorneys. And lately, it’s been the same story. Employees are spending too much time on-line, can I block their access? The answer is yes, and I’m happy to do it. Because it’s not a matter of these companies standing in the way of employee development. They’re attempting to fix a problem. The employees aren’t working. Think about it: if the work was getting done, there’d be no issue. But there’s a breakdown somewhere.

Here’s the dirty secret: the same employees who are on facebook and twitter all day are the ones who used to be on other sites all day, and before that were emailing people all day, and before that chatting on the phone. You see, the employee hasn’t changed at all, just the methods and technologies they use. And for every 1 employee who is using these tools in a productive manner, there are 100 who are filling out useless surveys about their survival chances in a zombie attack or playing Scrabble.

Here’s the other dirty secret: managers are ill-equipped to deal with this. It used to be that they’d just fire the person. But now that’s not all that easy. And many of them now manage people who act the same way they did when they were regular employees. So how do you discipline someone? I certainly don’t have the answer for that. There’s a reason I don’t manage more than 1 person other than myself.

The bottom line? It’s not a technology problem. It’s a human resources problem.

Back a few weeks ago, I was approached by Rebecca Thorman about a new idea she was starting, the Monthly Goal Meet-Up. Seemed easy enough, right? Set some goals and complete them. I get a lot of shit done, so this should be straight forward. Right? Not so much. To recap, here’s the 3 goals I set out to complete in September:

September Career/Life Goals

1. Finish 3 more pieces for online portfolio
2. Set up separate savings account for return to full-time school
3. Set up DBA for consulting / IT business

So how am I looking? Not bad, but not fantastic. Let’s lay them out one by one.

Portfolio Pieces

I’m almost here on that one. I have 1 completed, and two that should be done by the end of the week. So there’s a good chance that this one will be done without fail. For those asking, my personal portfolio site can be found here. And if you’re looking for WP-related work, feel free to ask.

Savings Account

My wife and I have a savings account that we don’t use. So I kind of cheated on this one. But have I actually put any money into it? No. And I’m not sure I will before the month is through. I can say that I’ve made a decent amount of side money freelancing to pay off some outstanding bills, so it’s a start.

Set up DBA

I completed this one completely, and then some. In addition to setting up my DBA (which mean ‘doing business as’, or a sole proprietorship) with the state of Florida, I also got the business tax receipt for the city I live in. So I’m legal. I then went and opened a separate business account in the name of my ‘company’, so I can begin to track income and expenses separately. Now don’t pat me on the back just yet: I did this because someone paid me with a check in the name of the company I set up. Since I hadn’t done any of this yet, I couldn’t cash the check. So this was more of necessity. I had been meaning to do this for over a year.

So after all is said and done, I have done OK. Not great, but OK. I’m actually looking forward to see how this progresses, with everything coming my way in the next few months.

We’re all goal-oriented, even if we don’t realized. It’s just that some of us don’t have goals that really matter, or they are so far-reaching and ambiguous that there is nothing to hold them up against. I’ve been guilty of doing that as much as anybody. So when Rebecca Thorman IM’d me about a new project she’s started, the Monthly Goal Meet-Up, it caught my attention. With my pending return to full-time academia and all that comes with it, I think it would be a worthwhile venture. So here goes.

September Career/Life Goals

1. Finish 3 more pieces for online portfolio
2. Set up separate savings account for return to full-time school
3. Set up DBA for consulting / IT business

So let’s see what happens.

I always talk about getting rid of cable. Unfortunately, I never get around to it because I have little interest in dropping off the box. And, I have a routine in the morning where I watch Morning Joe on MSNBC. It’s actually a pretty terrible habit if you think about it. But, like all reasonably obsessive compulsive people, I have a hard time breaking habits.

Anyways, I always complain about Morning Joe because the pundit banter is pretty obnoxious and I think Joe Scarborough is a tool. Here’s a guy who went to UF but roots for Bama. That’s like doing a tour of duty in Iraq and going “you know what bro, I just root for Al Queda. I like where their heads’ are at and I think they’ve got a good tradition going on.”

So based on the above example, it’s clear that when watching Morning Joe, you are dealing with a complete boner of a host. As such, there are often many guests who are of the same caliber. Jim Cramer is one of them.

Jim Cramer got his first big break as a journalist by covering the Ted Bundy murders in Tallahassee. In other words, he lived in Tallahassee, which means he probably likes FSU. Hey buddy, you know why you’re bald? It’s not genetics, it’s the Lord’s way of telling you that FSU sucks and you suck for being even remotely associated with them.

Weirdly enough though, these two dipshits got something right this morning. They were talking about health care and Jim Cramer made an excellent point about the social forces that were dictating the debate and could ultimately lead to its defeat. Jim more or less explains that the people who don’t want to raise taxes on the rich are not necessarily the rich, but the average Americans who somehow think they’re going to eventually become rich. Jim goes on to explain that he’s already a millionaire and really doesn’t give a shit if they raise his taxes by a percent or two if it would save the health care system, and potentially save a whole slew of other things being paid for by the federal government. He alludes to the fact that the real problem you have is that too many people in America think they’re going to become millionaires and don’t want to be taxed more once they get there. And! Joe kind of agreed with him by regaling the panel with ridiculous stories from his youth about driving around in the panhandle and wondering how he could live in the big houses on the water and was told that all he had to do was go to school and work real hard and become a congressman and then quit and then get a tv show and then root for Bama even though the school that give him a good education was UF. Fuck you Joe. You’re a dick and I want that diploma back.

Anyway, I’m getting away from their point.

Their real point was that wanting to be a millionaire is cool, but not very likely. I agree with this.

I am not a millionaire, but would like to be. If I were to get there, I wouldn’t mind paying an extra one percent tax for other people’s health care. I’m not the most sympathetic or empathetic person, but it seems reasonable enough. So, Joe or Jim, can you guys show me where I can make a million dollars? I’m not asking for a lottery ticket bro. Just a shot at the big time. Joe, you owe me. You sold out the gator nation and I hate you.

If you’re somewhat active on Twitter, I’m sure you’ve seen the constant updates regarding the issue in Iran (for those that aren’t aware…well…look it up. It’s kinda big). You also may have noticed that many of the user avatars having a nice green overlay to them. It’s to support democracy in Iran, or so I’ve heard. While the gesture is nice, I think people are missing the point. Whether it’s green icons, a ribbon sticker on your car, or any other adoption of a cause, the simple acts people take do not give it any more credence.

I love sarcastic comedy, that’s not a secret. And when I say this twitter update from Michael Ian Black regarding Iran, I couldn’t help but laugh.

The point is this: if you want to make a difference, then do it. I highly doubt that any of the current leaders in Iran noticed the sea of green avatars and decided to change their views on democracy. I also didn’t see the issue (as of yet) get resolved in the way many folks were clammoring for. Greg Graffin put it well back in December 1998 in an essay titled “Web-Surdites” (original link not available, fan page listed here). In short,

The internet is so anonymous, and such a poor gauge of the emotional status of its users, that it is hard to verify if the words and pictures you are seeing were even generated by a human being at all.

Let us not blunder and assume that behaviors such as protest marches, sit-ins, benefit concerts, lectures, and other social gatherings can be reduced to electronic media that effectively filter out all human emotional connections. How do we measure the seriousness of a cause? We see it and experience it with our senses.

It was correct in 1998, and it’s still correct now. There are many people out there that are actively involved in a cause that they believe in, both foreign and domestic. But to do some small gesture electronically, then go about your day, seems to be a bit empty.

When I was young, my father told me a few things. One of them was to be careful about offering unsolicited advice, since often times I won’t know the whole story. And that’s been true to this day.

Recently, there was a dust-up over a post regarding leaving a job and “burning bridges”. One post spawned numerous others. And I did my part, commenting on a few with my experience regarding the situation. As it often times happens, people disagreed, and thus ensued a back and forth of right and wrong, proper blogging etiquette, and so on. Granted, none of that really matters to me, as I feel people are allowed to do whatever they want with their lives, both on-line and off. And deal with the rewards or consequences that come along with it. Such is life. But another underlying theme arose: what responsibility does one have when giving advice? That thought gave me a “lightbulb” moment, in regards to my writing. While I have a good amount of experience or advice, I’m not really comfortable just putting it out there at will. Why? Because you didn’t ask.

I’ve developed somewhat of a reputation as a “Personal Google” amongst some people I’ve become friends with via places like Twitter and Brazen Careerist. Unlike MySpace and Facebook, these people never knew me beforehand, and only know what they’ve read or seen in a profile page. But as they’d ask a question, I’d give an answer. Mostly tech-related, but also other topics. I’ve also had personal, private conversations with folks who were going through something I had experience with. But those were one-on-one conversations, where my experience or advice was tailored to their specific issue. When I didn’t have an answer, I didn’t respond, or tried to connect them with someone who did. But do I just broadcast out how I think the world should be? No. Think of these scenarios:

• I have experience with Microsoft Windows, but you own a Mac.
• I have experience with managing assets held in a trust, but you don’t have a trust.
• I have experience with owning a home that had a sinkhole in Florida, but you rent an apartment in Chicago
• I have experience dealing with alcoholism and drug abuse, but you’ve never had more than 2 drinks in your life

The list could go on and on. In my 28.5 years on this planet, I’ve experienced a lot of things and met a lot of people. And I’ve always been keen on helping others out when I have the right tools to do it. But beyond that, it simply isn’t my place. That is, unless you ask.

Recently, I was involved in a brief conversation on Twitter with Jamie Varon, Andy Drish, and Nisha Chittal about using Twitter for accountability amongst each other. While it’s not a bad idea on face value, there are some fallacies that lie with most attempts at fostering some accountability.

1. You don’t want to do the task / job at all
2. You don’t have someone to call you on your failings
3. There are no consequences

Who in your life keeps you accountable? Is it a spouse / significant other, a parent, a close friend, an employer? There isn’t anything wrong with having these people in your life keep you accountable, assuming you’re actually doing what you’re supposed to do, any maybe only need some nudging along the way. The problem comes, however, when you fail. Or worse yet, when you never tried at all.

We all have responsibilities for things we’d rather not do. It’s called being a functioning member of society. Whether it’s childhood chores around the house, studying for an exam on a Saturday night in college, or balancing your checkbook as an adult, life is filled with boring, mundane tasks that no one wants to do. But it’s life. So we do them.

But what about the other stuff? You know, the thing that matter. You can’t be accountable to someone if they’re not willing to be the enemy, or you’re not willing to allow it. Most people don’t want to be the bad guy, at least not to someone they like. And for most family and friends, they can’t be impartial towards the situation. While I’d love for my wife and I to hold each other accountable when it comes to our household finances, at the end of the day we have to live with each other, and we’d rather not cause a fight.

If you really need to be accountable for something, you need an enemy. An asshole. Someone who really gets under your skin. Think about it. If the options are (a) do the task or (b) deal with an insufferable jerk, you’ll probably get whatever it is done, just to avoid the consequence of interacting with that person. It may sound counter-intuitive, but give it a try. You might be surprised at how much more eager you become. Either that, or just come to terms that you’re in the wrong situation and that task shouldn’t be on your plate to begin with.